Reflection of the week: the melancholy of insignificance.
Originally published on Substack
This article is part of Dirk’s ongoing newsletter Reflector’s Reflections. You can read, comment and engage with the original post on Substack.
View original article →With Neptune and Saturn hovering over my incarnation Sun in Gate 25, a moment arose in recent days when I suddenly touched the melancholy of insignificance associated with this Gate. I experience it as a very deep psychological state that can easily pull me into strong identification. One of the deepest response mechanisms I notice in myself is an urge to disappear. In the past this feeling sometimes came together with self-destructive behavior or suicidal thoughts arising in my mind, but it seems those extremes no longer have the same grip on me.
From a psychotherapeutic perspective, I also notice how this melancholy seems reflected in the muscular armouring of my body around the chest, translating into a kind of caved-in sternum - what Wilhelm Reich described as schizoid or ocular armouring patterns. I experience it as a space that appears to touch upon very early layers of experience, perhaps even pre-verbal or intrauterine sensations of safety or the lack of it, of resonance or disconnection. When I bring awareness to this area, it has the capacity to shift my presence quickly from embodied witnessing into mental chatter, so staying present with it asks for a very gentle kind of awareness.
Embracing the courage to be vulnerable in the 51st Gate and to stay present when this melancholy hits hard is somehow highlighted in the Program these coming days, so I hope for some of you my experience resonates and lets you know you’re not alone but connected.
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